Is he a genius or a dyslexic - you go figure!

It turns out that America is not the only state with a language challenged leader.

We may have misunderestimated the impact of this on world affairs.

To quote GWB:

"I do know I'm ready for the job [the presidency]. And if not, that's just the way it goes."

How many other world leaders have said something similar in and in what languages? Who would know anyway with the code of silence which all international Diplomatic translators have to follow. Goodness knows what they hear - and by the time it's translated !! - it's no surprise there's always so much international tension.

Closer to home, we clearly have a very serious problem here in Turkmenistan. Our President can't even spell his own name!

Check these variants out:

Sapamurat &nbsp- Pravda (and Aardvark usually but not always)

Saparmurat - Currently the market leader (and the CIA so it can't be right)

Saparmyrat - The BBC (so it has to right)

Sapamyrat  - Currently rare but will be less so when Google scans this line

And if you think this entire blog is a blatant attempt to maximize search engine rankings, check out this page from another site covering Turkmenistan affairs and count the spelling variants. Aardvark is not alone!

If this is all a bit worrying, here's the kicker. Sapa is really Dr. Niyazov and Professor Niyazov as well as President Niyazov and the Turkmenbashi.

Saparmurat NIYAZOV - Ph.D., Grand Ph.D., Full Prof.

Honourable Prof. Dr. Saparmurat Niyazov (Turkmenistan) The President of the Turkmenistan Cavalier and Commander, PhD, Grand PhD, Professor. He was first among the Presidents of the countries and state chiefs, awarded with Cavalier and Commander Sign of the International Order "Science. Education. Culture". Saparmurat Niyazov - outstanding state figure, scientific with the worldknown name which has developed and successfully realizing Theory constant Non-interference of the Turkmenistan.

See here if you don't believe me and to see the above revelation in context. No wonder the Ruhnama is so hard to understand. Our president is a fully accredited mega brain! It's not for ordinary folks like your humble blogger.

Maybe there are secret cocktail recipes hidden in the text (a sort of Ruhnama code) but it will take far far greater brains than mine to fathom them out. I can't even make any sense of the text above - oh how different it would be if I had a brain like Sapa.

Let's map Sapa's brain and find out what's so special!

Sapamurat discounts brides and grooms

In a shock change of policy, foreigners will no longer be charged to marry Turkmen or Turkmenian women (not Turkwomen as you might reasonably expect). Check it out here - I did.

It was certainly a shock to me. I never knew about it in the first place! (Isn't it strange - sometimes you never notice things until they are gone - but let's not get philosphical here - whatever!).

It definately explains why my many proposals to visiting foreign young ladies (on peace corp work and the like) were rebuffed. I thought it might have been my choice of tradtional Turkmen hats or that they felt I was just after a green card. But no - this clearly wasn't the case - they simply didn't have the $50,000 available to pay for me!

So now this has all changed. No doubt I'll be married to a tall blond from Oklahoma or Arkansas before the year is out!

Anyway, I wish I'd invested in a Turkmenian brides site like this one before. I'm sure that they are already doing business like gangbusters since Sapa's discount offering became so widely know.

Well too late now - but maybe when I move to Kansas with my new bride I'll be less upset. Still, I also need to check out the Trance and Techno scene before jumping into marriage now that I'm going to be so much in demand. I'd hate to end up somewhere where they were only into Country Music. I mean - Paul van Dyk would turn in his grave at the thought if it wasn't for the fact that he isn't in one.

Let's get Turkmen brides (and grooms) on the map!

By the way - did you notice how in the picture on the BBC news site, Sapa appears to have aged since he gave out the hat prize just recently (see earlier blog). Who knows what's going there - maybe the treatment doesn't last that long - maybe the clones were out of sorts and Sapa had to turn up for the photo shoot himself.

The truth is out there

Aardvark has been contemplating ineffable mysteries and conspiracy theories.

Take the alleged picture of Area 51 above. How do we know it's Area 51? How do we know it's not a gas pipeline construction site just north of Atamyrat? Well of course, if I still had a camel, I could take a quick foray out into the deserts of Turkmenistan and clear this up.

But since Betsy did a runner, I can't and so we may never know for sure.

My investigations in this area started with the mysteries of Sapamurat Niyazov otherwise known as the Turkmenbashi.

Why does his age and hair look so different in different pictures? (See earlier blog on cloning etc). What's it with him and the CIA anyway? Do they know something we don't? (Probably they do and most likely it's wrong anyway. If ever a team needs to raise their game, it's the boys and girls from Langley High!)

How can you build an ice palace in the desert? What alien technology would be needed to keep it from melting? Who wants to sleep on a bed of ice? Only Eskimos and aliens from an ice planet if you ask me?

Who are these aliens anyway and why do they want to live here in Turkmenistan - don't we have enough problems already with the Australians and Norwegians? Is it our night life and creative drinks culture that attracts them?

What is the Ruhnama all about? Was it translated from some alien tongue? Is that why it doesn't have a lot to say about cocktails? What's it got to do with driving tests anyway? Shouldn't these focus on parallel parking and stop signs? Is this too difficult for our alien visitors who need a valid license to be able to rent a Hummer from Avis or Hertz?

Why is the Turkmen "complexion the color of wheat" preferred? What the problem with white or green? Is it easy to cover up green with make up so it looks wheat covered? I sense a cover up and piece of government mis-direction.

What's wrong with gold teeth? Are the aliens among us alergic to gold? Is this a ploy to allow aliens to take advantage of our world leading dentistry without giving the game away?

Anyway, Aardvark no longer takes any of this for granted. Here's a picture of his bedroom:

This is where your trusty blogmeister works on investigating alien mysteries and testing new cocktail mixes.

Watch this space for updates on both counts. To start with here is the latest cocktail breakthrough:

Sapamurat's Skull Crusher

Green Chatreuse

Tequila

Green Creme de Menthe

Kummel

A dash of Lime

Serve chilled. Optionally serve over crushed ice to achieve brain freeze and minimize the shock later.

A very vertibrate friendly mix if I say so myself. Certainly, it went down well with my tasting panel. And the green color of the drink blended nicely with their happy wheat colored faces.

Let's keep aliens off the official Turkmenistan map!

The Roonama strikes a blow for drinking freedom!

Well, was I completely fooled or was I completely and utterly fooled?

I should have realized not to take that e-mail from Betsy at face value. Boy, does she still bear a grudge about that careless if accurate comment about "faded looks". I mean, it's not like your average camel is anything to write home about at the best of times!

Back to the point, I have found out that Sapamurat Niyazov's best seller is not about cocktails at all. Having managed to locate a plentiful supply of copies to help meet the huge demand generated by my blog, I took a quick peak at the first copy as I was stuffing it into a jiffy bag to mail to a customer in Khartoom and whadya know - it's definately not about cocktails!

Check it out for yourself.

Anyway, I now have 14 pallet loads of copies which I picked up from a friend of Fakir who trades in this sort of thing. So if it looks like your kind of read, don't hold back - get your orders to me!

Of course, one thing we have established is the huge international demand for a cocktail mixing manual with a Central Asian flavor written a well known Turkmen.

So while I'm stiil lying low, I have started work on my own cocktail manual, the Roonama.

Here's a quick taster of recipes from the forthcoming best seller:

Aardvark's Atom Smasher - Sambuca, Gin, Godiva® Liqueur, Espresso, Ice

Spymaster - Banana Liqueur, Eggs, Lemon Juice, Vodka

Pan Galactic Gargle-Blaster - Bourbon, Bourbon, Gin, Soda, Soda Peppermint, Schnapps, Soda Walker Red Label, Cinnamon, Olive

Vampire Juice - Coconut Rum, Blue Curacao, Bacardi Limon, Orange Juice, Ice

Bird Shit - Blackberry Brandy, Tequila, Milk

Sweet Revenge - Cointreau, Melon Liqueur, Orange Juice

Dirty Diaper - Ice, Orange Juice, Rum, Tonic Water

Bunny Killer - Malibu Rum, Rum, Pineapple Juice, Orange Juice

So get all your PayPals and credit cards ready and stay tuned. Let's show Betsy how badly her nasty trick went astray! Let's help pay for the 14 pallets!

Let's get Roonama onto the cocktail circuit map!

Cocktail guide strikes gold!

The response to my last posting on Sapamurat Niyazov's best selling guide to cocktails and related spirits - The Ruhnama - has been huge. Everyone seems to want a copy.

Before, providing details of how to buy a copy, you really need to understand how much importance the Turkmen people and government attach to the whole nightclub and cocktail business. Check these facts out:

Every government office has a weekly study hour to discuss the Ruhnama

The Ruhnama has become the centerpiece of Türkmenistan's education system

Teachers are selected based on their knowledge of the tome

Türkmen literature classes focus on the Ruhnama

An English translation of the book provides materials for English classes

Graduations are contingent on a student's ability to answer questions on the Ruhnama

Nobody takes a good night out more seriously than a Turkmen!

Even the judiciary has to know their Margaritas from their Martinis. Earlier this year, top judges were put to the test.

A total of 35 judges from the regions and from Asgabat and also from the Supreme Court participated in this year's contest.

During all three rounds of the contest participants were asked about the content of the second book of Ruhnama and their answers, full and irreproachable, demonstrated the depth of their knowledge of Ruhnama.

For more details, check here.

In Turkmenistan, driving tests are based on knowledge of the Ruhnama. Our's is the only state in the world were citizens are trained in the art of getting home from the clubs while well loaded with a tank full of Margarita juice.

Let's keep driving across the map even if we're too far gone to know where we're going!

Of course, you don't just want to hear about this. You want a copy of your own. Well too late - they've all sold out! But check this blog and get your PayPal number ready. We're working on it!

Roo hits the juice at Sapa's new Ashgabat club!

Well the truth is out. Jumper didn't really go walk about! He hitched a ride on a truck to Ashgabat and has been hanging out at Sapa's new night club there.

Just look at the picture above that he e-mailed us.

I think he's trying to make a point that he's not as stupid as he appears.

But that makes no sense at all - it just takes a quick glance at the picture he sent to know that's not true. Jumper's clearly more than a few irons short of a full set! And that's when he's sober.



Sapamurat Niyazov's new night club (seen above) is called the Ruhnama after his best selling book of cocktail recipes Ruhnama - The Spirit Book. Here's his famous Margarita recipe:

2 parts freshly squeezed lime juice, with some pulp

2 parts Triple Sec or Contreau

1 part white tequila

1 part golden tequila

Truely we are blessed in Turkmenistan to have a far sighted and urbane leader with such a appreciation of the finer points of night club beverages and a visionary use of state funds to support our world leading night club scene.

The only fly in the oinment (as that rather strange saying goes) is his choice of talent to spin hard trance and techno at the club. Jumper rubbed salt in the wound by gleefully mailing that DJ Tiesto is to fly in later this week for a booking at the Ruhnama. Jumper added how much he's looking forward to seeing DJ Tiesto at last.

This is another major affront by Sapa to all the Paul van Dyk fans here in South East Turkmenistan. I hope the salt around the Margarita glasses makes Jumper's lacerated nose sting!

Let's keep DJ Tiesto at the other end of the map!

On no! Kangaroo Curry!

Aardvark is distraught. Not only is there still no sign of Jumper but check out this recipe - Red Thai Kangaroo Curry.

Jumper could become a curry! Or a steak (see above to check out how he might look in his new career - a bit different from the old leaping off into the sunset with a bloody nose dontcha think?)

Now Aardvark understands why the Australian-Turkmen were so keen to introduce the annual Roo hunting season.

Next time Aardvark visits the Outback Steakhouse in downtown Atatmyrat, he's going to check the menu very carefully. Although they specialise in cow meat (and who cares about that - no self respecting Turkmen wants to be seen crossing the freeway on a bovine transport creature anyway), Aardvark is convinced he could find Jumper on the menu. And if not there, then at the Koi Samui or Phuket (no pun intended but its kinda unavoidable) Palace Thai restaurants.

Oh Jumper, what have you leapt into? (Maybe the pot or the barbi for all we know.)

Let's keep Jumper off the downtown Atamyrat restaurant map!

By the way, in following up on good Thai recipes and their thing about peanuts (which as everyone knows are a legume), Aardvark came accross a new fear he hadn't even imagined before. Check this out - Arachibutyrophobia otherwise known as Sticky Peanut Butter Phobia or Thai Kangaroo's Revenge.

Dont let Jumper become a handbag!

Oh my goodness but Jumper has gone walk about into the sunset and the Kangaroo hunting season is about to begin!

I guess I was just a bit insensitive with my remark that:

"Kangaroos are not generally held to be the sharpest tools in the box and are often a bit punchy, what with the boxing and all".

What do you expect? I was few margaritas west of full sobrietry and tact after a heavy evening down at the "Plastic Palace" night club. (This club has taken over from Sapa's "Ice Palace" club which didn't last after all its business melted away. The Plastic Palace is made of seriously non biodegradeable material so it's in business for the long run.)

As soon as I made my remark above, Jumper simply sprung up and bounded through the window ignoring the plate glass (see what I mean about being punchy and all) and was last seen heading into the sunset. He's not only a bit dim but also a bit too quick to take offense if you ask me. If only Betsy had been here this would never have happened - she would have quickly defused the tension with a rapid riposte such as "And you are pretty stupid too Aardvark" or something similar and equally quick witted.

Jumper couldn't have picked a worse time of year!

The deserts of Turkmenistan will soon be full of raging Turkmen with the killing urge chasing after the many wild kangaroos that have escaped from the kangaroo plantations run by the Aussie immigrants.

Jumper may be not not too bright and rather upset but he's not the wild type. Generally, he's more of a stay at home and watch TV, drink the odd beer and do the housework sort of kangaroo. It won't be at all fair if he ends up as a camel skin handbag with his head stuck on some Turkmen's trophy wall.

So he needs to keep his head down and to watch out for Turkmen hunters waving Kalashnikovs, riding akhalteke horses or driving Hummers and generally shooting anything that jumps.

Sapa may also be out there enaging in the national sport although he normally hunts from an Apache firing Maverick missiles provided to him as goodwill gesture by you-may-well-know-who-but-I'm-not-naming-names.

So if you see Jumper, tell him to come home and that he doesn't have to pay for the window. (I'm sure that's been playing on his mind, what with all the lacerations on his nose to remind him.)

Let's keep Jumper from becoming a kangaroo skin wall map!

Why the CIA got it wrong

You'll no doubt remember that after GWB invaded Iraq, the CIA came in for a lot of criticism since nobody found the WMDs they had said the place was stuffed with.

It went something like:

"Those guys don't what day of week it is let alone what has been going on in E-RACK."

Well now you know why - and just how dangerous that "one more won't hurt when the night's still young" margarita can be.

So here's the question - if Sapa had left the days of the week the same and the guys from the CIA hadn't got all confused and made up all those unsubstantiated claims about missiles and WMDs, would GWB have invaded somewhere else?

Aardvark is of the view that somewhere had to be invaded - the urge was upon GWB. The people expected action and that's what democracy is all about. You don't vote in a president just to sit around watching sports and working out for 3 years and then start kissing babies all over again. That just wouldn't make much of a movie unless Arnold was in the White House and in light comedy mode.

So let's all wonder what might have been and where else there is to invade on the map!

By the way, the CIA web site has a page headed The George Bush Center for Intelligence. Not only do the men from the Company not know what day of the week it is, they most certainly have no sense of irony! But full marks for imagination to whoever thought this one up!

A night on the old margaritas

I bet Sapa is called Sap by his buddies!

You can imagine the scene. The Turkmenbashi has sneaked off from one of his palaces in Ashgabat for the night and is swigging down the old margaritas in a discrete but trendy nightclub in downtown Atamyrat. Around the table are a few trusted friends interspersed with an equal number of trusted body guards. There's a lot of trust around clearly.

Anyway, one of the buddies (maybe the minister for public works - i.e. palaces and pictures of Sapa) bursts out with:

"Whadya say Sap, what can we do next to fool the Americans?"

Which goes down well since Sapa's margarita tab at the bar is heading for double figures.

"I know", pronounces the Turkmenbashi, "I'll rename the days of the week! That'll confuse the CIA for sure if they ever get here!"

And being a man of his word (which is the only word that counts), here they are:

Monday - the main day (Bash Gyun)

Tuesday - the young day (Yash Gyun)

Wednesday - the favourable day (Khosh Gyun)

Thursday - the just day (Sogap Gyun)

Friday - the same day (Anna Gyun)

Saturday - the spirit's day (Rukh Gyun)

Sunday - the rest day (Dynch Gyun)

(In order to fool the Americanskis even more, the name for Friday was left the same. History will tell who was fooled more - your average Turkmen on the street or the CIA analysts. Aardvark reckons the smart money is on the men from Langley.)

By the way, it turns out that Sapa was not amused about being called Sap when the soothing effects of the margaritas wore off and he discovered he'd left his Prozac behind in Ashgabat. So next time at the club, 2 body guards had to sit together. (It was not on the evening of Khosh Gyun when they were out.)

So if you get to meet him (unless it's on Khosh Gyun), or even meet one of his stunt doubles/clones, I'd stick to "Oh mighty Turkmenbashi" when you greet him.

Let's not rename the places on the map after a night on the old margaritas!

Sapa Niyazov awards annual hat prize

Sapa Niyazov (otherwise known as Turkmenbashi as you now know) awarded the gold medal in the general utility hat category at the annual Atamyrat Turkmen Hat Olympics this week to a previously unknown elder from Mary (the region not the camel - for the adventurous of you here's details of the airport at Mary. Did you spot the very short runway? I'd stick to Atamyrat International if I were you!)



(Notice the wonderful effects of Sapa's recent rejuvenation treatment. He looks a lot better than he does on the Turkmenistan bank notes below. Unless it's really his stunt double and/or clone - not everyone is happy about seeing his picture everywhere in Ashgabat - maybe he's taking precautions - who cares if the young guy gets sanctioned as long the old guy in hiding has more DNA to use. But then maybe he really looks like he does on the bank notes!)

Aardvark is rather disappointed that the prize went to such a conservative piece of head gear.

Here's Aardvark's favorite:



Now there's a hat that deserves a medal. Let's get that hat on the Atamyrat Hat Olympics map!

Come on CIA guys, can't you pedal a bit of US interest here in Turkmenistan. Where are the operatives on the ground here in Atamyrat? Where was the company man on the judging committee?

Aardvark has a competitor

The bad news is that Aardvark's blog apparently isn't the only one covering all that's fit to print (or blog or whatever) about the truth about what's going down here in Turkmenistan.

Check this out:

Blogmenbashi

(In case you don't get it, Sapa's self proclaimed title is Turkmenbashi - did Aardvark ever update you on that? If not, firm slap on the wrist for an insufficiently informative and overly self obsessed blogger.)

The good new is:

The competitor is already out of business!

Check the date of the last posting. But it's mighty annoying that Google gives this a rating and is still ignoring your earnest and ever accurate blogger.

Let's get Aardvark above Blogmenbashi on the Google map!

Serving sizes

Well ideas are flooding in about serving sizes. Here's the best so far:

smallie

middlie or mediumie (but mediumie is a bit strange)

largie or biggie (I think I prefer biggie but this is harder)

So a biggie latte - whadya think of that? Sounds pretty cool to me.

(By the way although you may have suggested one or more of the above, these ideas are mine so don't expect a free middlie latte when we open.)

Talking of opening up, I've been considering plans for global expansion. Galaxymanats seems too tied to Turkmenistan or Azerbaijan (where they also use manats as their currency - see below).



The latest from Bloomberg is that:

1.00 US DOLLAR (USD) = 4865.5 AZERBAIJAN MANAT (AZM)

This is very surprising - you'd think that having Sapa's mug shot on the notes would make them worth more than the equivalent from Azerbaijan - this international currency trading is full of surprises.

Back to coffee - so to speak. Tying the name to units of currency, definately makes the plan clear - it's nothing to do with coffee - it's all about making money. I like that.

So galaxyUnits is the new name.

Let's get galaxyUnits on the map of Atamyrat to start with!

Back to business!

Did you know that the unit of currency in Turkmenistan is the "manat"?

Here's a picture of one of them.



But this won't get you past the bouncer at a typical downtown Atamyrat house/trance/techno music club.

Here's a bigger note (with a cool picture of Sapa) to try:



Betcha think that will do! Well the latest exchange rate from Bloomberg is:

1.00 US DOLLAR (USD) = 5148 TURKMENISTAN MANAT (TMM)

Think you can get into a decent club for less than two bucks? Think again buddy!

Anyway, to get to the point, your financial analyst on the spot is having second thoughts about the used carpet business - who wants to buy a smelly old rug anyway. And carpet cleaning rates are going through the roof here as everyone is jumping on the same bandwagon (whatever that means). Why it's gone up to over 500 manats per rug - who can make a living with that sort of overhead, I ask you?

So Aardvark is now thinking of starting a new coffee retail outlet with WiFi internet access with the name Galaxymanats - whadya think?

The only competition will be the single franchise outlet of the Seatlle folk in the camel dropping recycling area south of Little Sydney. But only camels like Betsy and Mandy frequent it - without the stock portfolio of a well heeled camel, it's not possible for your average Turkmen on the streets to stump up for a Latte Grande - why it would cost almost 2 of those splendid notes above!

So the first thing is to decide on what serving sizes to use. As the competition uses Tall, Grande and Venti®, we need something different here (especially for the later as the Seattlians have gone and trade marked it).

Send your ideas. A free mid-sized (name to be determined) latte on the day we open for the winner if I don't go for my own ideas, which I probably will.

Let's get Galaxymanats on the world coffee outlet map!

(By the way, the eagle eyed among you will have spotted the spelling mistake on the notes above - like that extra Y in the country name. Printing mistakes like that are normally worth loads - if I were you, I'd get hold of as many manats as you can before someone spots this mistake and orders a mass reprinting and destruction of old notes. Once that happens, some of these notes could be worth thousands of manats each!)

Fakhir by name but faker by nature!

I was duped!

Fakhir doesn't work for Anteater! And that's probably not his real name! I bet that's Bruce!

I found all this out when Betsy turned up at my doorstep accompanied by Mandy, another camel from Anteater's camel harem. The visit was to pick up Betsy's things. Well they are all gone including Betsy's copy of "A Camel's Guide to Midcap Investments" and her precious Starbucks mug!

Betsy was inconsolable - what with the stress of deserting me, my insensitive comments about the decline in her looks and now all her stuff gone! Well you can imagine - it was a major mop and bucket job afterwards. When a camel sheds tears, it's major flood warning time.

It turns out Betsy "met" Fakhir as we will continue to call him from now and not Bruce, which is probably his name, just in case his parents are relatively recent immigrants from Melbourne and he is really called Lachlan (what sort of name is that anyway!), in an internet chat room. (Yes I know that sentence is hard to read but I grammar checked it in Microsoft Word and all it complained about was the spelling of Fakhir - when I changed it to Faker it was OK - maybe Bill's smarter than he looks!)

In Betsy's moment of weakness, she blubbed on line. Let this be a lesson to all of you out there in Internet land - not all people are what they seem!.

On a positive note, Jumper and Bounder were both much taken with Mandy's teeth. She has recently had them cosmetically capped at Anteater's expense and they now provide a startling expanse of white when she turns on her charming smile. And I'm talking major league camel sized expanse here. This was a triumph for Atamyrat's world leading cosmetic camel dentists!

I suspect that one of Betsy's motivations in moving over to Anteater is the (forlorn?) hope that he will pay for some cosmetic surgery for her - a bit of nip and tuck. She could of course dip into her portfolio but she's not disposed to spending her own money. But I am sure it's her net worth that has got her the new shack and can't see Anteater paying for anything more than a minor makeover at best.

Anyway, they have left now and the place seems empty with just me and the two Kangaroos.

But oh dear, this has all been a long-winded personal diatribe and I had promised some more cutting edge comment!

Let's stop wittering on about where Betsy is on the map!

Betsy shacks up with Anteater

Well it's all clear now. Betsy has left me for another camel dung broker!

A nice young man turned and up on my door step today to collect Betsy's things. His name is Fakhir (a strange name for a 2nd generation Australian-Turkmen - most families keep to their cultural roots). By the way, the top three boy's names in Australia currently are Jack, Joshua and Lachlan! (See here). So even the Australians aren't sticking to their cultural roots. Also, by the way, Fakhir, means "proud, excellent" in Arabic and not counterfeiter as you might expect!

Anyway getting back to Betsy, it turns out that Betsy was upset about my diversification away from the camel dropping business and is now shacked up with Anteater - a leading light of the Atamyrat camel dropping district south of Little Sydney. So Betsy now has a nice new airy shack at the bottom of Anteater's back yard with her own T1 connection to on-line brokers and wire services.

Fakhir - a camel dropping intern with Anteater - tells me that there is no question of getting Betsy back - apparently whatever 2nd thoughts she might have had were blown away when she read my remarks about her loss of youthfull goods looks!

Well Anteater better watch out - I don't take lightly to camel snatchers even if the camel apparently left on her own accord.

And it's back to the used camel dealers for me although I'm not sure that I'll be able to easily pick one up with the same knowlegde of the Mid-Cap sector. Meanwhile I'll just have to hop around Atamyrat on one of my two trusty Kangaroos.

One last thing - many readers have complained that this blog has got too personal and self centered - like most blogs and certainly Tom Green's self promoting spiel or Topher's daily diatribes.

What people are calling for is more of the incisive political and economic analysis and news updates from your man on the spot in downtown Atatmyrat!

We'll it's been very hard with the Prozac situation being what it is and with this latest Betsy trauma. But it's back to hard content again!

Let's work on getting Atamyrat and not Aardvark on the map!

Back to four on Yahoo!

Well done! We've moved up one position on Yahoo since I last checked.

Check here

Keep up the good work (and keep an eye out for Betsy)!

Don't let the unmentionables get away with it!

Let's get back to number one on the Yahoo map!

Betsy's gone or was she taken?

I've just got back from a meeting in the club room of the Atamyrat Hilton to discuss moving into the used carpet business and Betsy's gone! with a Australian-Turkmen emigre called Bruce who now works out of Cairo using a "Lebanese" passport (which seems strange to me as he is over six feet tall, has bright red hair and freckles and a family name of McDougall - who does he think he's fooling?)

With Betsy's strange disappearance, I'm worried about the mention of the S*** S**** M*** in my last post. I expect these guys now have me on their radar and are continually scanning the blog for stuff they don't like.

Anyway when I got back and expected to see her checking out her portfolio on-line, there was no trace of her although it looks like she left in a hurry as there was a half drunk mug of Starbuck's best beside the computer.

Of course she may have been reading up on the latest blog entry and seen the mention of S*** S*** M*** and is now in hiding. Only time will tell.

Anyway - here's a picture of Betsy to help you recognise her.



For obvious reasons, her happy smilling face and well cared for teeth cannot be shown. We don't want to make it easier for those who we won't mention to identify her!

(This was taken when Betsy was a poster girl for a well known cigarette manufacturer. Her stock and investment portfolio dates from this period. Alas, she hasn't retained her youthfull looks and so the period of high earnings has passed. Hence her current obsession with day trading!)

Going back to my meeting, our leader has declared that recycling camel droppings is not an activity to be encouraged in a modern, progressive and natural gas rich country. Your earnest blogger had thought that recycling was thoroughly modern and green. But Turkmenistan is mainly a brown country - so maybe that's the problem. Anyway, a new business is needed. Apparently the folks in North America and Europe dig our old rugs - so exporting pre-owned carpets is henceforth the main business activity of Aardvark's Atatmyrat Trading Company.

But keep an eye out for Betsy and mail me if you think you might have seen or heard of her.

Let's find where Betsy is on the map!

Yahoo Lets Us Down!

What's happening on Yahoo? Last night we were number 1 (just like on Altavista).

Today we're only number 5. (Check here for the latest position.)

How can this be? How do these search engines work anyway? Aardvark senses a conspiracy.

Could this involve the stealthy hand of the CIA creating false sites?

Is the State Security Ministry involved?

Who's really behind this?

A drop of 4 places over-night just doesn't seem possible without some covert ranking grabbing actions.

Link to Aardvark - don't let these folks have their way!

Let's keep working to retain position on the search engine maps for Atamyrat!